A fantasy delight from my youth

A Necklace of Fallen Stars by Beth Hilgartner

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


I re-read this beloved book of my childhood for the first time in a long time. The writing is not as skillful as some of my newer favorites, but I'm not going to knock a star off for that because for me, what makes this book five-stars is the fact that it stayed with me for so many years. I was probably 13 when I first read it. I got it from the library, and for years every time I returned to the library I would take it down and read my favorite parts again. I lost track of the number of times I read this book. I grew up and moved away and every once in a while, in bookstores, especially used bookstores, I would look for this book, but I never found it. I mentioned it in one of those "ten books that changed your life" Facebook games, and a friend bought me an ex-library copy off Amazon. So appropriate that I now have a library copy. This is a charming story about a clever couple of teens, and the thing I remember most — the wistful, magical way it made me feel — has not dimmed with time. I love this book.



View all my reviews

Fiction Q&A: How to style royal and noble titles

Q: When referring to a king or lord, when do you capitalize--if at all--for sire and your majesty and such? For example:

All we can do now is wait and pray that you and your healers can help my sister, your majesty.

I'm so confused. Thanks for your help.


A: Titles are tricky, because it depends how you're using them.

Generally speaking, the title will be capitalized if it's being used with or in place of the person's name. So in your example, Your Majesty would be capitalized. That's what we call "direct address." But if you and I are talking about the king, "king" isn't capitalized because we're talking about him, not to him.

See more at my website.

Fiction Q&A: Representing multiple languages

Q: I have several languages in most of my stories and I have yet to really decide how to denote the switches and whether to italicize when the word is spoken but not translated. When I use only two and switch sparingly, I just note that they said whatever in the new language. But repeatedly mentioning the switch becomes tedious to reader and writer.

Since I use up to four languages at once in a scene where not everyone speaks all the languages (yes, that creates chaos, which was the intent), how do I create the feel of switching languages for the reader, when the POV character does speak them all?

At one point I used single quotes for one language and double quotes for another (the two main languages) but there are not enough quotes types for more languages in order to be consistent. -- Shae

A: For single foreign words, even if they are from an invented language, you only need to use italics the first time you introduce the “untranslated” word. Back in the day, Tolkein italicized lembas, for example, throughout The Lord of the Rings. These days, we would italicize it only on first use, give the reader enough clues to figure out what it means, then leave it in plain type the rest of the book.

Using different fonts or quotemark schemes for different languages isn't advisable. Since it's not an established convention, readers may not know what to make of it.

The best way to signal that different characters are speaking different languages is to use different word choices and syntax for each language. You can see this in Shogun by James Clavell and Kim by Rudyard Kipling. They each had characters using "thee" and "thou" when speaking in Latin or Hindu, respectively. You don't need to use thee and thou if that doesn't work for you; there are other tricks you can use to give languages a different feel.

Syntax is a good way to do this. Think of Yoda's "accent" in Star Wars. Or the note Sherlock Holmes receives in the story "Scandal in Bohemia." The note reads, "This account of you we have from all quarters received," leading Holmes to remark that a Frenchman or Russian would not write a sentence that way, as only a German "is so uncourteous to his verbs."

In the same way Holmes could discern the language of the letter-writer, readers can pick up on the nuances of the different “languages” in a novel if you write each one with a slightly different vocabulary and syntax. Early on in your book, you'll establish which POV characters speak which languages, so by one-third or halfway through, you should be able to stop writing "'Line of dialog,' someone said in his native language," and just tell the story. Readers are smart; they'll get it.

Fiction Q&A: Including character names in dialog

© JJAVA - Fotolia.com

Q: I’ve been told not to use names in dialog, except in rare cases. If that’s the case, would the line “I’m speaking to you, Judy” be incorrect?

A: Calling such inclusions “incorrect” overstates the case. An occasional inclusion of another character’s name is entirely appropriate.

What the person who gave this advice is trying to point out is that when real people really converse, they rarely use one another’s names. So we need to be aware whether characters are doing so too often. One symptom frequently found in the manuscripts of newbies is dialog like this:

“Ismene, mine own dear sister,” Antigone said, “what new edict is this of which they tell, that our Captain hath just published to all Thebes? Knowest thou aught? Hast thou heard? Or is it hidden from thee that our friends are threatened with the doom of our foes?”

Ismene answered, “No word of friends, Antigone, gladsome or painful, hath come to me, since we two sisters were bereft of brothers twain, killed in one day by twofold blow.”

“I knew it well, Ismene,” Antigone said, “and therefore sought to bring thee beyond the gates of the court, that thou mightest hear alone.”

Ismene leaned closer. “What is it, Antigone? 'Tis plain that thou art brooding on some dark tidings.”

“Ismene, hath not Creon destined our brothers, the one to honoured burial, the other to unburied shame?” Antigone replied.

Now if you look at the original text, you’ll see that Sophocles is not quite that ham-fisted. Only the first two lines contain the interlocutors’ names. The rest proceed without them. You need them once to show who’s talking, but after that, as there are only two people in the scene, you don't really need any more reminders. Although if it’s a long scene, another once in a while can help -- and can even reduce the need for dialog tags.

Moreover, sometimes such insertions are needed to help the reader keep track of who’s speaking to whom. If three women are working in a kitchen, and Judy is closest to the sink, a line of dialog like “Judy, would you hand me a dish towel?” is ideal.

Dialog needs to be realistic. But that's different from being real.

Fiction Q&A: Using italics for character thoughts

© JJAVA - Fotolia.com

Hey Kristen —

Sorry to pester you, but I didn't know who else to ask. I was going over a critique someone gave me, and they mentioned that top editors teach to never use italics, even with internal thought. Some say never to use italics at all.

Here's my concern. Almost everyone else I've run into says italics should be used for internal thoughts that would normally be spoken as words.

For example:

His eyes surveyed the plain below, then turned back to Albione. “That’s not good, brother.” 

No, it wasn't. His older brother didn’t complicate matters with fancy words. That only made the pit in his stomach emptier. If anyone in the temple finds out what happened here, I’ll be in a lot of trouble.

One editor said it’s perfectly fine to use first-person internal monologue without italics. As a reader, this doesn't bother me at all. But I don't want to look like a hack when I send my stuff to an editor without italics, because they might think I have no clue about Point of View.

—Will

Will, there's still some disagreement on this.

The editor you mention is in line with the Christian Writer’s Manual of Style, which says:

We no longer recommend that a person's thoughts, imagined words, and unspoken prayers (called unspoken discourse), when expressed in the first person, always be set in italics.

I tend to agree that you don't need italics for internal monologue because in deep POV everything is in the main character's head. Where we run into problems is when the narrative is in third person past tense (as yours is) and the internal monologue is in first person present tense (as yours is). Some, like the editor you mention, think it’s OK to leave it all in Roman, but others disagree. CWMS doesn’t recommend italics, but they don’t prohibit italics, either. Which is why you still see a lot of published books in which the internal monologue is in italics, just as you have it above. There are still plenty of editors who like it that way. But the trend seems to be away from that.

When the interior monologue changes person and tense, the italics provide a kind of "I meant to do this" visual cue to the reader signaling the change. But if the monologue is in the same person and tense as the rest of the narrative, there's no need. So what most editors advise is to keep everything in deep POV and in the same voice and typeface. This is what I recommend. So your example would look like this:

That only made the pit in his stomach emptier. If anyone in the temple found out what happened there, he'd be in a lot of trouble.

One place where many publishers still use italics is in what CWMS calls "unspoken discourse" and I call "silent dialog." This includes prayer, God talking to the POV character, and, for those of us who write speculative fiction, telepathy. A lot of publishers still put those in italics, although the Christian Writer's Manual of Style says it's not necessary for prayer. CWMS, oddly enough, does not directly address the issue of telepathy.

In your manuscript, I'd do it the way that makes the most sense to you. Of all the things that might make you look like a hack, this is the least of them, because it's a matter of style, not of right or wrong. Ultimately, whether italics are banned or encouraged depends on the publisher.

And you can pester me with questions any time. I use them as blog fodder.

— Kristen

A different way to think about character development

Photo illustration by Beniamin Pop

Os Hillman, writing at Marketplace Leaders, talks about three stages we go through in our Christian walk:

Stage One: “Bless me, Lord.” This is where we accept salvation. It is understanding that Jesus saves us.
Stage Two: “Help me, Lord.” Some of us reach this stage only when a crisis comes. It is understanding that we can do nothing in our own power.
Stage Three: “Have me, Lord." This is bowing to the complete lordship of Christ. it is understanding that we must yield our will to his.

Hillman asks, "Where are you today?" and this is a question we all need to answer.

But as a fiction writer, I also have to ask, "Where are my characters?" These stages are as applicable to the faith journey of a character in a novel as they are to the development of our own character. In any novel, the hero's inner journey -- in Christian fiction, his spiritual journey -- is as important as the outer journey described by the surface plot.

I recently completed the first draft of a novel in which the hero goes from agnosticism to Stage One. Meanwhile, the heroine progresses from Stage One to Stage Two. I hadn't realized it until I read Hillman's article, but that's what happens in that storyline. By keeping this in mind as I edit, I think I can bring these spiritual journeys into greater clarity.